Why is there a Vampire on Sesame Street?

I love Sesame Street. I grew up watching it; learning my numbers, letters, and how to discern when "One of these things doesn't belong." The show as been on for over thirty years now, and has been part of the childhood of countless people, throughout the world. So, naturally when my daughter (Jadyn, two-and-a-half years) seemed old enough to benefit from Burt and Ernie's life lessons, I started letting her watch it from time to time.

She loved it. LOVED it. And this is not a kid who is too interested in TV otherwise. I know that some of the stuff is still over her head, but we'll figure out which three things belong together soon enough. Jadyn soaked this show up. Sesame Street was becoming a part of the childhood of another generation of the Jones clan . I smiled the smile of a proud father that has not only introduced his child to PBS before the age of three, but had engaged his daughter in a program that was a respected part of early educational culture. No purple dinosaurs, or troupes of Australian men who go by the nomenclature "The Wiggles." No siree, not for my kid. Just Elmo, Gordon, and all of their wholesome friends.

Then the Count showed up.

You know the guy: monocle, widow's peak, has a tendency to laugh at inappropriate times. The Count creeps Jadyn out. Maybe "creeps" isn't strong enough language; he scares the bejeezus out of her.

I don't know what it is about the little purple guy that makes him any scarier than a giant flightless bird, or a furry elephant that everyone calls "Snuffy". What I do know is that whenever the Count shows up with his lady......Oh yeah, somewhere during the last 25 years or so, the Count got himself a girlfriend. Her name is, you guessed it, the Countess. She is basically another Count puppet minus the goatee and plus a blond wig. Kind of weird, like the Count married his twin sister.......to dispense the Number Of The Day, Jadyn loses it. You would think that the devil himself just walked into the room and strangled a puppy.

At first, I thought it was kind of cute. Now I am pretty obsessed with trying to figure out who thought it was a good idea to put a member of the undead on a children's show. What was that conversation like?

"Well Bob, we've got the cast of puppets almost all lined up. We just need a character to introduce numbers and counting."

"Not a problem Jim. I've got one all worked out. Here he is, I call him the Count. Get it? The Count who counts! Groovy, huh?"

"It's a cool play on words Bob, but that guy looks like he's supposed to be a vampire."

"Well, yeah. That's because he is."

"Wait a minute. You want to put a bloodsucking Nosferatu in a children's television show?

"It's PBS, Jim."

"Point taken, he's in."

I Am Red State

(I had written this a couple weeks ago, when thinking about the upcoming election. Looks like I wasn't alone.)

I Am Red State

I am a 31 year-old all-American boy, born and bred. I grew up in Florida, went to College in Tennessee, and now I live in the mountains of North Carolina. I love my wife, God, guns, red meat, knives, and the occasional smoke of a good cigar. I was conceived, birthed, grew up, and educated in Red States. My professional career – all in Red States. Any vacation or road trip that I can think of happened in and through Red States. Looking at a map of the breakdown of the last major election, I have to say that I have barely been in any Blue State long enough to cast a shadow.

And for the foreseeable future, I will be voting Democrat. Here’s why.

Bill Maher used to say that he would be a Republican if only they would. After watching the way the Grand Old Party has conducted themselves all my adult life, I have to say that I agree. I want smaller government. I want a bigger middle class. I even want a return of decency to the public consciousness. The party that bases a large part of their platform on these things sure aren’t delivering them. What’s going on here? Am I the only one who perceives a disparity between what the candidate said and what the elected official does? Am I that out of synch with what Joe and Jane America want? Are they happy, or at least content with the State of the Union? As my dad is fond of saying, “Not no, but Hell No.”

This conclusion was derived through an incredibly unscientific process consisting of conversations with and/or eavesdropping on friends, neighbors, family, and complete strangers. I’ve found that I’m a more like Joe and Jane than not. We’re just looking for some peace and quiet, a chance to work hard and make a living, some security, and some help up when we stumble. Not too complicated, not too hard to understand. I always thought that was pretty much the American Dream, and that those who I had elected shared in that dream. Well, as my granddad, God rest his soul, was fond of saying, “You thought like Lit. (Thought he farted; really shit.)”

Why aren’t the GOP Powers-That-Be, the ones that I and people like me voted into office, working toward this? Why am I ashamed talk about my voting record? At what point in time did the Republican Congress and Administration become a three-ring circus? Most importantly, how is it that the men and women in office, who are supposed to first and foremost be servants of The People, can so blatantly disregard and misinterpret the vast majority of what The People have to say?

I think I’ve got it figured.

Over the course of the past few decades, certain issues have developed that have become hot-button topics pointed at the everyday American. Abortion, homosexual marriage, violence in the media, you know the ones. Somewhere along the line, savvy conservative candidates realized that few things would get people into the voting booths like fear. Namely, fear of one’s way of life being threatened. From there, it’s just a small feat to twist something that can be as small as a difference of opinion into a malevolent creature that is coming after you and yours. Fast-forward through many years and several elections, and you end up where we are now. A mass of misinformed people going to the voting booths for all the wrong reasons.

The game runs something like this: Lobbyist A represents “Dirty Money, Inc.”. DMI wants Candidate B in office because he is friendly to their interests. Lobbyist A funnels large donations from DMI to “Right Wing Psuedoreligious Coalition”. After pocketing a healthy sum, RWPC uses the cash to inundate voters in Middle America with messages to the effect of, “If you don’t vote for Candidate A, then you will be forced to let Troy and Gary get married in your church. China will take over the country, and your children will work in factories for 37 cents an hour. Oh, and don’t question our logic, or the terrorists will win.” It’s an old game, and both sides have run it, but it has worked long and well in its current incarnation.

This system generates two products, both of which are antithetical to what democracy should be:

1- A voter base that votes not on what a candidate stands for, but what they are afraid of losing. This base of voters is a vocal minority, making the majority of us look like uneducated, bigoted fundamentalists.

2- Politicians that are out of touch with their constituency since they are otherwise occupied protecting the interests of their benefactors.

Everything has its saturation point though, and Middle America’s about reached hers. People in Red States by in large aren’t dumb. Misinformed? At times. Easily manipulated? That one pretty much answers itself. But not dumb. Unless the Democratic Party somehow shoots itself in the foot (Which absolutely can and has happened – W. got elected. Twice.), there will be plenty of good old-fashioned folks like me at the polls in the next couple years. I get the distinct impression it’ll turn our Red States Blue.

So, here’s a primer on a Red Stater who’s changing his colors. Take notes, Senator; you work for me now.

--I’m a young white male. And, yes I understand I’ve got it better than most because of that. It doesn’t mean I think it’s okay. I don’t, and I want to change it.

--I am driven by my beliefs, but I don’t check my brain at the door. Remember back when a person was guided by their ideals, morals and common sense? Principles - it’s a good thing.

--I’m heterosexual, but homosexual marriage doesn’t frighten me. If I work with a guy (and I did) who has been in a committed relationship with another man for a decade longer than I’ve been married, who am I to tell him his partner shouldn’t get the same health-care benefits that my wife enjoys?

--I don’t agree with abortion, but I don’t care about overturning Roe v. Wade. Beliefs should not be legislated, one way or the other. Remember separation of church and state? I’ve never been a pregnant teen or a rape victim, so I’m not going to pretend like I know what they should do. Think about what would happen if churches and religious organizations took all the time, effort, and money they are spending on one legal battle and put it into helping pregnant teens and rape victims. Which endeavor do you think would produce more positive and lasting results?

--I want to work hard, make decent money, live well, and lend a hand to someone else trying to do the same. Not everyone got the same breaks I did, and I think they should have some help along the way.

--I am a follower of Christ, but I am not the Religious Right. I have a Bible. I read it. I think Jesus said things that were worth paying attention to. “Do unto others.” “Love your neighbor.” “Forgive those you do you wrong.” Near as I can tell, the Religious Right aren’t reading the same book I am.

--I own a gun, actually I own many guns, but I do not belong to the NRA. I don’t take my two year-old to shooting matches. I don’t hunt. I don’t have a framed poster of Charlton Heston over my bed. I simply want to protect my home. That, and I plan on polishing my shotgun when young men show up at my house to take my daughter out.

If you need me, I’ll be planning my next vacation – to Massachusetts.

Precipitation

It rained today. Not a morning shower, but all day. Literally. Not a moment of the day passed by when water was not falling out of the sky. It's past midnight and today's tommorow - it's still raining. Being from Florida, rain and I are no strangers. When I was a kid we used to joke about how you could set your watch by the afternoon showers in the summer.

I live in North Carolina now, and the rain here is different. Back home, when it rained, the sun still smiled down on you, the rain moved about driven by the wind. You could literally chase the rain, you could watch it come down the street toward you. It was one of my favorite things about Florida. Everything was Sunkissed and no matter where you went, you could taste the salt on the seabreeze.

Here, when it rains, the sky turns gray, and the Sun goes looking for more grateful recipients of its rays. The water slides halfheartedly through the air down to the earth. I don't care for this kind of rain. Don't know why, it just seems foreign to me. Days like this always put me in a bit of a funk. Makes me want to put on some blues and drink bad coffee while writing worse poetry. Days like this, I write morose, droning posts and dream of digging my toes into sand so hot it burns the soles of my feet.